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5 things every failing marriage has in common

Posted August 7

Do these five things look familiar? (Deseret Photo)

“The course of true love never did run smooth.”- William Shakespeare

Every marriage is riddled with its own unique problems and trials, but all failing marriages do have a few things in common. Below are few things to look out for in your troubled relationship.

Someone needs to feel right, all of the time

Ever feel like your spouse has to be right ALL of the time? The constant competitive drive to outwit and outsmart their partner creates an emotional and mental disconnect. Perhaps one partner dominates the conversations you share and you feel as if your points of view are ignored or glossed over without a second thought. Perhaps you feel emotionally manipulated.

“Sometimes, the emotional manipulation is complex enough that the person who is being controlled actually believes that they themselves are the villain, or that they are extremely lucky that their controlling partner "puts up" with them," said Psychologist Andrea Bonior. "Whether controlling behavior leads to more severe emotional or physical abuse or not, it is not a healthy situation.”

You’ve become less like lovers and more like roommates

Do you ever feel like your husband is more of a roommate than a lover? It is vital your spouse is seen as more than a friend you come home to every night, but a safe haven you can’t live without.

"Couples that lack an emotional or physical connection will eventually look elsewhere for a substitute," warned clinical Psychologist Tony Ferretti. "Living in a roommate marriage also will limit the joy and excitement that marriage has to offer."

Looming resentment

Every marriage experiences the shuttering blows of major fights. No relationship is immune from hurt feelings, long nights and emotional detachment. The individual that harbors resentment and emotional baggage after a fight suffers far more than the other individual creating an emotional disparage between the couple.

"The human emotion of resentment is one of the most futile and destructive emotions, more a reflection of inner needs than outer circumstance," said Psychiatrist Theodore Dalrymple.

Emotional betrayal

Where your thoughts are, there your heart will be also. Failing marriages contain an emotional betrayal of some sort, a lack of interest, thoughts wandering to find fulfillment from other people and other places. Sometime and some place, interest no longer exists in the relationship.

Emotional betrayal may hit the hardest but Psychologist Steven Stosny described the light at the end of a dark emotional tunnel when he said, “Emotional pain is just as real to the brain as physical pain. Now here’s the good news: emotional healing is just as real to the brain as physical healing.”

Shame/Blame

Poor communication is a primary factor in failing marriages. Conversations plagued with resentment, bitter tones, shaming comments and deliberate blame are leading your relationship on a downward spiral. Psychologist Neil Farber best described the action of blame as a form of emotional abuse.

Hannah Rose is a story-telling enthusiast that finds joy in sharing insights and human experience. Connecting the world through written verse is a passion that drives her to pursue her journalistic endeavors.

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