5 important things to do when your marriage loses its luster
Posted September 21
Marriage is like sterling silver, if you don’t keep it polished it becomes dull and loses its luster. If a valuable piece of silver becomes tarnished no one who knows its value would ever throw it away. Polishing it makes it like new again. Marriage is your greatest treasure and needs to be cherished and polished. Here are a few ideas to put the shine back into your relationship:
1. Keep your eyes focused on your mate
Don’t look elsewhere. Some people whose marriage is losing its charm think they’re falling out of love with their spouse and too quickly choose divorce as the easy solution to the problems. There is nothing further from the truth. Look for ways to keep your love alive by doing the very things that worked in the beginning. Don’t be deceived into thinking some knight in shining armor or princess with flowing locks and dove eyes will rescue you. Knights and princesses have flaws, too. Work with the spouse you have and save yourself a heap of misery.
2. Have pillow-talk time
When the lights are out and you are lying in bed together take a few minutes to share your day. Let it lead into comments about how much you appreciate some little thing your spouse did for you that day. Let the talk be happy. Laugh about the funny things that happened. Talk about a heartwarming moment you experienced. Open up and share your feelings with each other. Intimacy is more than just love making. It’s making love last by sharing your hearts with each other.
3. Write love notes to your spouse—the kind you can save in a treasure box
A text or social media message can be fun, but also do the old-fashioned paper kind. There is something special about a hand written note that says “I love you” or “Thank you for . . .” They become priceless reminders that your marriage matters. This short video shows how important and effective such notes can be.
4. Together watch the DVD Shadowlands
This emotionally moving romantic drama, starring Anthony Hopkins and Debra Winger, was adapted by William Nicholson from his own acclaimed play, based upon the real-life romance (during the 1950s) between the British writer C.S. Lewis and a divorced American poet named Joy Gresham.
This is a heart-tugger so have some tissues on hand for both of you. It will put your marriage in a new and cherished perspective.
5. Do something unusual today that shows you love your spouse
By unusual we mean something you have not done before or for a long time. One idea might be to send a love song link in a text message to your sweetheart. It may be a song that touched your hearts during your courting years, or a new one that you both like. Music can play on the heart strings in a powerful way. Be sure to say the song reminds you of him/her.
Another idea may be that you visit a nearby pond in a park. Sit together as you throw a pebble in the water and watch the ripples flow out. Liken it to your love that just keeps growing day by day. Or think of something completely your own that you have a pretty good idea your spouse will enjoy. These little surprise acts can be effective polish in brightening your marriage.
These are only five ideas that can put that luster back into your marriage. Fawn Weaver, New York Times bestselling author of Happy Wives Club, gives a final bit of marital wisdom: “The difference between an ordinary marriage and an extraordinary marriage is in giving just a little ‘extra’ every day, as often as possible, for as long as we both shall live.”
Gary Lundberg is a licensed marriage and family therapist. Joy is a writer. Together they author books on relationships. See their new .99 e-book "Wake-Up Call: What Every Husband Needs to Know" on amazon.com. Their website is garyjoylundberg.com.