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5 cute things you say that your husband actually doesn't want to hear

Posted June 30

We all do cute things to flirt with our spouses. Most of the time, these make your partner feel butterflies and even makes your relationship more fun. And believe me, we guys love it when you act cute. It turns us on and makes us love you more. But despite your sincere efforts, there are some things you wives do that you think are cute that we husbands don't actually want to hear. I hate to be the buzzkiller. Just don't shoot the messenger (or send me hate mail):

1. "How do I look?" As a girl, you like to to hear affirmations from your husband about how you look. You want to feel attractive and sexy, and you want your husband to be the one to make you feel that way. As a guy, though, when you ask us this it feels like a trap - like one wrong word could be our last. We want you to feel attractive and sexy, and believe me we really try. There are lots of other ways we can do this for you, though. Please, just don't ask us how you look.

2. "Oh, I don't know. What do you think, honey?" Growing up, a lot of little girls learn to "play down" (aka "dumb down") to boys to get a boy to like them. Even as adults, a lot of women do this to their husbands thinking it makes them look cute by making their man feel smart. One of the most common ways women dumb down is by deferring their opinion and decisions to their husbands. But the truth is, we really want to know what you think, that's why we're asking. Dumbing yourself down by deferring your judgment back to us is just annoying and doesn't make you look as cute you might think it does.

3. "Isn't this cute?" Cute is a funny word. Girls use it to describe clothes, crafts, cars, babies and even boys they like. It's never a word boys use to describe ... anything. So when you ask us if this is cute, it's a real stretch for us to know what you mean. It's an even bigger stretch for us to agree with you. We know you use the word cute with your friends, but when you talk to us, please try to be a little more descriptive than just "cute."

4. "I dont know how. Can you do (x) for me?" You don't like carrying more than your share of the load in marriage and neither does your husband. Sure, some guys like to feel dominant, but this is 2016 and most guys would rather feel equal. You think it's cute and maybe even honoring for him to feel in charge, but guys these days actually feel more burdened by this and it makes them feel like they're carrying you're weight in the marriage. As our spouse, we really want to help you, but we don't want to do it for you. If you can't do it, we're happy to help you find out how you can.

5. "What are you thinking right now?" This one is kind of like the "how do I look" question. We know you want to do more than just be in the same room with us and that this question is a way for you try to connect with us. But this one also feels like pressure. Sometimes we're just not thinking about "us." A lot of the time we're thinking about how to get over a dillemma at work or what we want to do next weekend. If you want to connect with us, don't start with this question. Instead, try asking what we did today or what we want to do this weekend.

Aaron Anderson is a therapist and Director of The Marriage and Family Clinic in Denver, CO. He is a writer, speaker and relationship expert. Checkout his blog RelationshipRx.net for expert information on how to improve your relationship.

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