4 ways to get your husband to do whatever you want
Posted May 4
Are you frustrated because your husband doesn’t do what you want him to do? You’ve dropped dozens of hints for him to clean the dishes, but he still hasn’t done them! Men are so frustrating.
I know because I frustrate my wife. But during the past 19 years, she has figured out a few tricks to get me to do what she wants, all while making me feel like I’m serving her, solving her problems and being a hero.
If you want your husband to do something for you, try these four suggestions.
1. Show appreciation with food and intimacy
The next time your husband actually does something you really wanted him to do, show appreciation by making him his favorite food or by initiating intimacy.
Telling your husband how much you appreciate him while being intimate or as he’s eating his favorite pie will create a link in his brain that says, “Helping my wife makes me happy. I should help her more.” And he will start to do more.
However, be careful about taking this too far. Sex is a sacred tool to bond with your husband and not to control him.
Nothing is more motivating for a man than for his wife to show him appreciation in the ways he loves most. After time, you’ll be surprised how he’ll notice you need something and do it for you without even being asked.
Showing appreciation is the secret.
2. Ask direct questions
Many women get upset because their husbands don't do what they ask. But dropping subtle hints isn’t actually asking. Men don’t hear them anyway, so stop getting upset by stopping the subtle hints. Men can’t read your minds or decipher the subtle-hint code.
Just be direct.
Instead of saying to him, “I’m so tired. I wish the dishes would just clean themselves tonight,” or “The trash is piling up. I think it’s trash day today,” simply ask, “Will you please do the dishes tonight? I’m exhausted from watching the kids all day. I would really appreciate your help.”
The more direct your request, the more your husband will respond.
3. Tell him you need a listening ear only
Many arguments start because the woman justifiably complains to her husband and he provides an unwanted solution when all she wanted was a listening ear.
Men are solution-oriented and paid at work to solve problems. It’s very difficult for a husband to hear a problem and not provide a solution, especially when the woman he loves is having the problem.
His instinct is to solve it and make her feel better. But providing solutions doesn’t make her feel better because all she needs is a few minutes of adult conversation and a listening ear.
To avoid getting extra upset, just tell your husband upfront whether you want a listening ear or a solution. Remind him, “It’s not about the nail.”
4. Find out his love language and do it
Some men like physical affection; others like words of affirmation. And others feel love a different way. The key to getting your husband to do what you want is to show him you love him using his love language. Do this especially when you see him performing a task you really appreciate. He’ll start to do more for you.
Find out his love language here.
Be patient and consistent with applying these four steps, and your husband will respond. One day he’ll surprise you by doing something for you without even being asked.
Aaren Humpherys graduated from BYU in 2001, is a CPA, emergency preparedness expert, beekeeper, very happily married, and father of three. Contact him at firstname.lastname@example.org