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4 times when ghosting is the right way to date

Posted November 18

Ghosting is a new name for an old phenomenon. Things seem are going well with you and your new beau, then suddenly, poof! They’ve vanished into thin air, never seen or heard from again. No phone call. No break up text. No explanation. And worst of all, you have no idea what you did wrong (or if you even did anything wrong). No one likes to be hung out to dry, but as it turns out, there are some really good reasons to leave without a trace. Here are four reasons when ghosting is actually a good way to go:

1. Unsafe feeling

If your date seems emotionally unstable or mentally unbalanced it’s better to make a clean break instead of drawing out a break up. Telling them you’re leaving could inspire feelings of jealousy and possessiveness that could become dangerous. If they may pose a real threat to you or themselves, it’s best to disappear overnight and contact your local mental health organization as well, just to be safe.

2. Aggressive behavior

Aggressive behavior can range from reckless driving, to a controlling attitude, to outright physical violence. Any of these situations warrant a quick and no-nonsense exit. If you have faced (or fear you will face) domestic violence during or after leaving your relationship, contact your local domestic violence center or police precinct and get help from professionals to help keep you safe.

3. Obsessive behavior

Obsessive behavior may or may not be associated with aggressive actions, but possessiveness, extreme neediness and suspicion can lead to volatile feelings during a breakup. Instead of making you a priority, this person makes you their job. They need to check your phone, emails and social media. They need to control who your friends are or always be around you when you’re in public. They may even try to control what kind of job you have or monitor you (or have others monitor you) when you’re at work. None of this is healthy or okay. Cutting the cord and blocking their access to you is your best bet to keeping you safe.

4. Impulsive and compulsive behavior

Impulsive behaviors are actions taken without much thought. Your partner might engage in dangerous or attention seeking behavior without considering the consequences for themselves or you. Compulsive behaviors refer more to addictions or a mental health or mood disorder that seriously affects a person’s ability to control their actions. In the latter situation, seeking help for your partner and yourself (so you can cope with these problems) may be better than ghosting the relationship. But addictions are no joke and can spell big trouble for both of you financially and physically...Keep your sanity, take your stuff and leave if you are in an addictive relationship.

Sometimes ghosting is actually the right way to go. If it’s dangerous for you to stay or may become dangerous when you leave, get help and exit with a plan. If you just need to save yourself from a sinking ship, jump and don’t look back.

Georgia D. Lee is a University of Miami Alumna who seeks to empower, inspire, enrich and educate anyone with an open mind, heart and spirit through her most treasured medium - black and white!

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