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4 marriage topics your friends should never know about

Posted April 21

There are some things in your marriage that need to stay between you and your husband. It may be tempting to turn to a friend or family member and spill all the juicy details, but it could actually be hurting your marriage to do so.

Here are 4 topics your friends should never know about:

1. The details of your last fight

Your friends do not need to know all of the details of your last argument with your spouse. Saying what they say, how they acted, or everything that went on in the heat of the moment only hurts your relationship. It is showing the worst side of your spouse to someone who is going to back you up, since you’re already friends.

They may encourage you to do something drastic, that once you’ve calmed down, you would never do. They may start to dislike your spouse because of something they said or did, and that may cause a problem not only with your relationship with your significant other, but your relationship with your friend.

You have to remember that your friend is only getting one side of the story. They may never see your spouse’s side. And they will probably not see what happened between you two to make up. They may wonder why you are still not upset or how you could forgive them. It honestly just causes more problems than it is worth. If you are truly upset and need someone to talk to, try seeing a counselor, or wait until you’ve calmed down enough to be more objective with what happened, instead of still worked up and jaded in your view of the situation.

2. What goes on in the bedroom

What goes on in the bedroom should stay between husband and wife. Your friends do not need to know the details, how frequently things happen, or a rating of how it was. This is something very private and intimate between spouses that does not need to be shared with other people, no matter how much they want to know. If there is some kind of problem in that area, seeking professional advice from a medical doctor or counselor, is the best recommendation.

3. Your spouse’s deepest secrets

Husbands and wives have a special bond. They feel comfortable with each other, and they trust each other. When your spouse tells you something in confidence, they do not expect you to go blabbing about it to your best friend, your mom, or your sister. They are sharing a part of themselves with you that they may not have shared with anyone else before, ever. It may be something they did in the past that they are ashamed of. It may be a dream or desire they have, but feel silly about. Or it may just be how they truly feel about your brother. Whatever it is, honor that trust by respecting their privacy. Keep that between the two of you.

4. What you really dislike about your spouse

It is okay to vent at times, and it is okay to tell others that your marriage is not perfect. But when you put a bad light on your spouse, it can be destructive.

When you are talking to someone about your spouse, try to imagine how they would react if they heard what you were saying. Would they agree that it annoys you when they leave their socks on the floor? Probably. This would be a good-natured vent fest. But would they be okay knowing you told your bestie that they are the biggest slob ever and are so lazy they can’t even pick up their socks? Probably not. Those words are mean, and hurtful. Be careful with what you say, and how you say it.

Your friends want to support you, but remember to talk about the good things your spouse does as well. Perhaps they really do leave their socks lying around, but they do remember to take the garbage out every night. Try to be more positive than negative when talking about your significant other with your friends.

There are times when talking about your marriage is a good thing. Giving advice about how you survived the first year of marriage, or how you finally worked out a budget that the two of you agree on, are actually things that others could learn from. But there are some topics that if you share with others, it may do more damage than good. Be aware of how you say things, and what kind of image you are creating with your words about your spouse. This is the person you love and trust the most. Would you want them talking about you in that way to their friends? Thinking of it that way will help you decide if keeping your mouth shut is actually the better option.

Megan Shauri graduated with a bachelors in Anthropology and a masters in Psychology. She lives in Orange County, CA and is a mother of twins. Contact her at Meganshauri@gmail.com

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