16 rules parents thought they never had to make, let alone enforce
Posted December 4, 2016
Parenthood does not come with an instruction manual or a rule book… meaning you get to make up a lot of stuff as you go. Not in a million years did these 16 parents on Reddit ever think they would need to make up these rules, let alone enforce them:
1. Humans only
"'You have to act like a human when we go into stores.' My son always pretended to be different animals. It's pretty slow going grocery shopping with a crab, and fellow shoppers also don't appreciate being screeched at by a Velociraptor."
2. Mmmm, toasty
"Do not spray sunscreen in the toaster oven."
3. No mustard, please
"The kids were in the backseat of the car, eating 'imaginary sandwiches'. Suddenly, it turned into screaming and crying because one of them was eating all of the imaginary sandwiches."
"The new rule? Just make more imaginary sandwiches."
4: “Butter Yellow”
"No crayons in the butter."
5. Pretty rocks
"No slipping pretty rocks that look like snails into dad's pocket when he isn't looking... Because they ARE snails."
6. Hurry, quick!
"I have a kid who hates wearing clothes so our rule is if there is a knock on the door he has to go put clothes on quick."
7. Some vacation
"No licking the parrot and no putting her head inside your mouth and calling it a 'vacation.'"
8. I make my own rules
"No putting yourself in timeout. Why are you crying and sitting on the bottom step of the stairs? Just let yourself out of timeout!"
9. No shirt, no shoes, no goodbyes
"You cannot go wave at your dad from the driveway with no clothes on."
"No stickers or suckers on the dog. Also, no waffles on the cat."
11. But this is REALLY important
"You have to stay on the toilet until you are completely finished, even if you have something you really, really want to tell someone right now."
12. No licking. Period.
"No licking the bus.”
"No licking your hand then touching the bus then licking your hand.”
"No licking your hand, touching the bus, then putting your finger in mama's ear.”
"No licking mama's hand.”
"No licking mama's ear."
13. Old school
"No Pop Tarts in the VCR."
14. But it’s for you!
"My son recently got the rule 'if mum's phone rings do not throw it in the shower with her.'"
15. Clean-up on aisle 9
"To stop doing the 'derp walk' in Walmart."
16. No Dark Arts in the house
My kids were playing Harry Potter one day (running around waving wands at each other) when one cast the killing curse on the other. This was followed by an argument and a bunch of yelling, which led to a rule I never thought I'd have to enforce: "NO DARK ARTS IN THE HOUSE."
Do any of these sound familiar? Let us know in the comments!
Emily is a graduate of Brigham Young University and is a staunch believer in pie as breakfast food. Read more about her travels and tastings at ercummings.blogspot.com.