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12 ways you prevent your husband from being a good father

Posted November 3

Who doesn't want their children to have a great dad? Ladies, beware of these 12 pitfalls that could stop your husband from being the best dad he can be. (Deseret Photo)

Your kids have a mother and a father for a reason. You can either help or prevent your husband from being a great father. Are you standing in his way? Watch out for these 12 mistakes some woman make:

Criticism

Criticism rarely brings about positive change. In fact, it actually wears on a person’s sense of self-worth. In order to be our best self, all people need to feel capable. If you notice something your husband is doing that you think warrants criticism, stop! Think about your own shortcomings and ask yourself, "would it help me to hear my spouse constantly criticize me?".

Expecting him to parent exactly as you do

Men and women are different. We bring different strengths to parenting. One is not better, both are necessary. However, children do not come with training manuals. Your husband is finding his way, just as you as finding yours. Accept how your husband interacts with your children. He is forging his own kind of relationship with them.

Hovering

When your husband is with the baby, take the time to get something done, even if it is just to catch up on sleep. Let your husband have his time with his child. He can handle it. Even if he makes mistakes, children are very resilient. It’s no doubt that you have made some of your own.

Demanding

The demands on your husband are greater than ever before. Don’t add to his stress. Take care of your own needs as much as possible. This doesn’t mean that you suffer in silence, just that you are realistic with your needs. Set aside a specific time each week to discuss family concerns. Set goals for the future. Don't expect all your wants and desires to be fulfilled immediately.

Diverting his attention from his work

When your family is young, your husband's main purpose is to provide support. If you pull his focus to home and away from work, he may not be able to achieve his goals. Make sure there is a balance. Include him in household and parenting decisions and responsibilities but remember there is a time for everything. Can your question wait until he is home? If it can, then don’t interrupt his workday.

Criticizing him in front of the children

This goes with point #1 but is so much more important. If you find the need to be critical make sure it is never done in front of the children. Your attitude towards your husband affects your children’s attitude toward him. If they constantly hear you criticize him, they will not respect him either. He is your son's role model. Your daugher looks up to him. Don't ruin that respect by public criticism.

Living beyond your means

You may notice your friends buying new (fill in the blank). Just forget it. Don't try to keep up with the Joneses. Set up a budget and stick to it. Accept your lifestyle and plan to live within your means. The pressure of unrealistic expectations makes it difficult for your husband to focus on being a good father.

Not taking joint responsibility for finances

Whether you are a working mom or a stay at home mom, you need to take responsibility for the financial stability of the family. Choose to stretch your money and avoid debt at all costs. The stress of debt can ruin family's joy faster than anything else.

Not allowing him to love you

A man needs to love his wife. Don’t make the mistake of being so busy with your children that you have no time or energy for your man. A husband who feels loved by his wife will have more patience and love with his children than the man who feels frustrated and unloved. Give your time to your spouse.

Not accepting his love

After having a family, sometimes women can begin to feel unlovable. Do not make the mistake of believing your husband couldn’t possible love you. The reasons we come up with are numerous: “I’m too fat, too old, too tired, I blew it, I'm guilty. How could he love me?” Trust your husband when he says he loves you.

Belittling him to others

There are those things about your husband that can be frustrating but don’t give in to the temptation to vent to your friends or family. Venting may make you feel better, but your friends won't forget what you've complained about.

Preventing him from visiting his children

If you have separated or divorced your husband, think of the kids. While you divorced your husband, they will never divorce their dad. If they don’t see him, they feel abandoned. At this point, it is no longer about you, it is all about them. If you want your kids to have a good father, don't stand in his way. They are still his kids and they still need a great dad.

Don't let yourself stand in the way of your husband becoming a great father.

Kathryn Cron has a BA in English and 14 years experience as an educator. She has lived in three states as well as a short time in Eastern Europe. She is a mom, a grandmother and most recently a new wife. Contact her at kathyjoycron@gmail.com

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