12 modern myths that are ruining your marriage
Posted November 13, 2016
A marriage that was once good can easily fall into the trap of false truths. Too many myths about marriage circulate through media and society today. Myths will say one thing and declare it as truth, but they aren’t even close to it. Marriages that fall victim to such myths or false assumptions will only set you and your spouse up for failure.
Acknowledging these myths will allow you to set your marriage free. If any of these 12 myths are true for you, don’t let them hold you back. Instead, allow them to motivate you to improve your relationship with your spouse so you can live a happier and healthier marriage.
1. My spouse is my soulmate
Soulmates don’t exist and neither does your happily ever after. There may be periods of time where you will fall in and out of love with your spouse. Love lasts because of commitment, not because your spouse is “the one”. With hard work, perseverance and strong communication between husband and wife, a marriage will last.
2. Marriage is 50/50 so I shouldn’t have to carry his or her weight
Everyone has struggles. In marriage, you must give your all, not just 50/50. Marriage isn’t a compromise of equality or fairness. There will be times when you’re faced with a struggle or challenge where you will need your spouse to help carry you and get you back up on your feet. Be there for your spouse when they need someone to lean on. Learn, build upon and grow with each other to become better people than you were before.
3. I don’t have to tell my spouse everything
Keeping secrets from your spouse is detrimental your marriage. You should want to tell your spouse all about your day and your life. In a TIME article, Dave Willis wrote, “Secrecy is the enemy of intimacy and if you want a healthy marriage, you have to have total transparency and trust”. Be open and transparent with your spouse. This will allow you to be free of a marriage built on lies and make room for a healthier relationship.
4. Marriage will change my spouse for the better
Don’t get married expecting to change your spouse. Your spouse will be the same person they were before you got married. No amount of flowery language in the wedding vows will improve your relationship. It’s the little things you love about and do for each other that make all the difference. Love takes time and doesn’t happen overnight.
5. My spouse should just get the hint about what I really want
Your spouse isn’t a mind reader. No matter how many hints you give, it will never be enough. With open, two-way communication, problems and misunderstandings will be much easier to work through and hearts can be healed. Don’t force your spouse to try and figure you out. Talk to each other.
6. Everything will work out because we’re married
Marriage won’t erase all of your problems. There are some things that are just out of our control. The only way to solve a problem is to act on and do something about it. During hard times you must be able to rely on you spouse. Lean on them and together you can work through both of your problems.
7. We shouldn’t go to bed angry
Not all problems will be solved in less than 24 hours. You or your spouse must be able to do whatever they can to repair the relationship if they are the one who damaged it in the first place ...but it won’t be fixed overnight. Problems take time. It may take months or even years in order for things to truly be solved and there is nothing wrong with that.
8. My friends have the best marriage advice
Your friends have just as many problems in their marriage as you do, if not more. While their advice may be helpful and useful, it’s best to seek out someone who can mentor you and offer advice from a greater perspective. Someone who has been married for 20 years will be able to offer more advice than someone who has been married for two.
9. My loyalties are stronger to my parents than my spouse because they raised me
For 18 years, your parents taught you everything they could, now it’s your turn to apply what you’ve learned. Your spouse must be number one in your life not only in action, but in thought and speech. Do not talk badly about your spouse with your family or talk badly about your family with your spouse. Be loving, positive and welcoming of everyone in your family.
10. Our kids are more important than our marriage
Being a parent comes with an unconditional love and devotion for your kids. But it shouldn’t come before your spouse. A healthy marriage will make for a healthy family. Your children watch and learn from you. The love and commitment you have for your spouse will carry over to your children and instill in them the desire to have that sort of love in their own marriage one day.
11. If things aren’t working out, we’re better off with someone else
The easy way out isn’t the solution to the problems in your marriage. You aren’t the only one struggling. Talk through your problems and look for ways you both can improve. Working together will only make your marriage come out stronger on the other side.
12. Love is all we need
Marriage requires so much more than just love in order to survive. Love won’t cure all. Despite what the pop songs say, marriage needs transparency, communication, safety, humility, time and much more to thrive.
Recognizing these myths for what they really are will allow you to make real, positive change in your marriage. Work a little harder to be a little better every day and your marriage will be all the better for it.