11 things men should NEVER say to the women they love
Posted July 10, 2016
Words are powerful, and how you use them can largely determine your level of happiness in your marriage. In the heat of the moment, you might be tempted to say something that you will later regret.
When you commit to marriage, you also commit to love, respect and honor your spouse. If you truly love your wife, then there are a few things that you should not say to her:
1. "You never ... "
Be careful about how you use the words "never" and "always."
In an interview with the Huffington Post, psychologist Andra Brosh explains, "It’s a way of shutting your partner out while leaving them feeling hopeless. It creates a sense of finality which leaves no room for further discussion."
2. "I'm sorry, but ... "
If you have to add the "but," then you're not really sorry. Make your apologies genuine, without excuses or justification.
3. "You disgust me"
John Gottman, a expert on marriage, found that contempt is the top predictor of divorce. The Gottman Institute explains further, "In whatever form, contempt is poisonous to a relationship because it conveys disgust. It’s virtually impossible to resolve a problem when your partner is getting the message that you’re disgusted with him or her."
4. "You are so stupid"
Name-calling is never appropriate in a marriage. It's a form of verbal abuse and should be stopped immediately.
5. "I want a divorce"
Keep it out of your mind completely. Dave Willis, a pastor and popular relationship blogger, advises, "Don’t use it as a threat or as an option. There’s no intimacy in marriage without complete commitment and there can be no true commitment if you have even the threat of an exit strategy."
6. "I don't care about how you feel"
If you truly care about your wife, then how she feels should be one of your top priorities. Don't dismiss her feelings.
7. "Why can't you do anything right?"
Verbal abuse is more than just rude words, it also includes anything that damages a person's self-esteem. Tearing your wife down and focusing on her flaws hurts deeply. Avoid it at all costs. You might not remember what you said, but she certainly will.
8. "You're wrong"
Chances are, she thinks you're wrong too. As long as you both stubbornly stay on your own side, you're not going to resolve the problem. You don't have to agree with her, but you do need to listen and be open to her thoughts and opinions.
9. "It's your fault"
Don't get sucked into the blame game, where there are no winners.
Dr. David Hawkins, founder of the Marriage Recovery Center, wrote, "There certainly are times when we have been wronged and can understandably feel hurt. But, we don’t want to camp there. We don’t want to drive a stake and take on a 'victim' position. This will only keep us stuck."
10. "Remember when ... "
Avoid bringing up past mistakes. Let those live in the past.
11. "I don't want to talk about it"
If you're having problems, then you DEFINITELY need to talk about it. If you need time to collect your thoughts and calm down, that's okay. Just make sure you come back to it later, when you're ready. Don't allow yourself to let your own pain and hurt fester.
This advice goes both ways. Wives need to treat their husbands with kindness, respect and love as well.
Don't allow yourself to say things that tear down your spouse. Instead, focus on loving that person more and more each day through both your words and actions. You'll never regret it, because a strong marriage is worth fighting for.
Katelyn Carmen is the International Content Manager for the FamilyShare Network. She completed her MBA at Utah State University. She received her undergraduate degree at Brigham Young University-Idaho in English. Follow her on Twitter: @katelyncarmen