11 subtle red flags that should be a relationship deal breaker
Posted March 3
Updated March 4
Dating is a game almost everyone plays in their lifetime. Navigating this game can be dangerous and difficult. No one likes to fall in love with someone who leaves them with a broken heart.
Luckily there are 11 subtle red flags you can notice early on in the relationship that could save you from heartbreak:
1. Manipulative behavior
All forms of abuse are major red flags, but manipulation can be a little harder to recognize. Guilt trips like, “If you actually loved me you would…” are used frequently by manipulators. If you find yourself agreeing to do things you would normally never do, you are being manipulated. Get out of the relationship as soon as you can. You deserve respect.
2. The ex is still around
You should be your partner's number one. If your significant other still talks to, spends time with or complains about their ex, you are not being respected like you should. Negative talk about an ex can also indicate that your partner blames the last break up on the other person and doesn’t take responsibility for their own actions. It indicates that they may blame future problems on you.
3. Lazy to the extreme
A healthy relationship requires each person to put 100 percent of themselves forward. If your partner doesn’t plan anything or doesn’t ever want to go out and about, they are not putting their full effort into your relationship.
4. Breaking promises
Relationships are built on trust, and constantly breaking promises can demolish that trust. If you can’t trust your man to take you out to dinner when he promised, how can you trust him when something more important comes along? Occasionally, situations do come up and small promises may be broken, but if it becomes a habit, consider terminating your relationship.
If you are dating someone who is irresponsible, immature and unpredictable, you should prepare yourself for heartbreak or a break up. Date adults who are responsible, respectful and logical.
6. Rude to waiters
If you find your partner is rude to waiters or other people in service-oriented jobs, they likely have a superiority complex. This means they feel insecure and worry about failure so much that they put others down to feel better about themselves. One day they might treat you the same way, so get out while you still can.
7. History of short relationships
When your partner has a history of ending relationships after three to nine months, this indicates a fear of commitment. Though you may want to be the person who your significant other marries, you may not be. You will put a lot into this kind of relationship only to end up heartbroken.
8. Self-deprecating jokes
If your significant other engages in such jokes, they may lack confidence, and will rely on you to build them up. You will spend all of your time and energy building them up while they constantly tear themselves down. This type of relationship will leave you feeling physically and mentally drained.
9. Fights in public
If your partner picks fights in public, they lack respect for you. Your personal relationship doesn't need to be put on display for others. Respect builds trust in relationships, and without it, your relationship will suffer.
10. Concerned friends and family
Family and friends see your relationship differently than you. They are not clouded with feelings of love, lust or attraction. If they bring up concerns about your relationship, listen to them carefully. They want what’s best for you.
11. Gut feelings
Don’t ignore your gut feeling. If you have uneasy feelings about your partner, pay attention to those notions. You might not figure out why you are uneasy, but trust yourself to recognize emotionally or physically dangerous red flags. Your gut will help you make the right decisions.
Red flags are easy to ignore when you have feelings for someone, but you should always look out for them. Some annoyances or pet peeves are not considered red flags, and can be fixed through conversation. Generally, you will see multiple red flags and at least one of them will be a deal breaker. Trust your loved ones to tell you their concerns, but most importantly trust your gut. You will know when it is time to break up.
Stacie Simpson is a journalism student. She loves listening to, gathering and sharing stories and advice to help others improve their quality of life. She spends most of her free time with her husband, ballroom dancing, reading and writing.