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10 times when it's OK to be selfish in your marriage

Posted September 26

Getting married and raising a family is a very selfless thing to do. When you choose to get married, you’re suddenly responsible for another person, and you spend a generous amount of time taking care of each other. You would do anything for your spouse and sacrifice whatever it takes to make them happy.

Then kids come along, and between them, your husband and other responsibilities, most (if not all) of your energy is focused outward. Sometimes you forget about yourself and your own needs to accommodate the people you love dearly.

There’s nothing wrong with this — please remember how appreciated your efforts are. Although you sacrifice a lot for your family (and it’s totally worth it), there are certain times when you deserve to be selfish.

1. When you just need a break

There’s nothing wrong with needing a break, especially when you’ve been caring for others nonstop. Put your kids to bed a little early and enjoy some quality time with yourself, completely guilt-free.

2. When you need to care for yourself

Maybe you used to hit the gym every day and get your hair done regularly, but now your highlights look like an ombre and you get winded walking up the stairs. Decide today to take care of yourself (whatever that means for you). You’ll feel so much better.

3. When you can’t remember the last time you said ‘no’

Women have a tendency to say ‘yes’ to everything, and that can weigh heavily on your shoulders. Say ‘no’ sometimes — the PTA president will forgive you.

4. When you don’t feel like yourself

Maybe you’ve been so focused on others that you’ve forgotten who you are. Take time to look inward and rediscover yourself. Maybe that means taking a weekend trip with yourself, or carving out two hours in the afternoon for some self-discovery. When you know who you are, you can better help others.

5. When you’re making big decisions

You deserve to have a say in big decisions, whether you’re choosing a paint color for the entry way or moving across the country. Of course these decisions should be made with your husband, but make sure your voice is heard too.

6. When you have too much on your plate

It’s good to stay busy, but being too busy can take a toll on your well-being. You know how much you can handle, and it’s healthy to have limits. Realize when you're being stretched too thin and take a step back to readjust your priorities.

7. When you’ve already cleaned the kitchen five times today

You know those days when you’ve already cleaned the kitchen five times and it’s only noon? Not cool. Close the kitchen, send your kids to play outside or make them clean up the mess for once. You deserve it!

8. When you can’t remember the last time you saw your friends

If you haven’t seen you friends in a while, give them a call and get together. It’ll be a lovely little break from your daily routine.

9. When you don’t have any hobbies

You used to love painting, but now you spend your days changing diapers and singing lullabies. You wouldn’t trade this mom life for the world, but you don’t have to completely give up your hobbies — don't feel bad asking your husband to take over bath time while you get out your sketchbook.

10. When you feel you’re drifting from your husband

The most important relationship in your life is with your husband. When you feel you’re drifting apart, it’s crucial to take a break from everything else and focus on him — it could end up saving your marriage.

Being selfish in your marriage and family every once in a while is necessary. Taking some well-deserved alone time will help you recharge and be the best wife and mom you can possibly be.

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