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10 phrases you should never say to the man you love

Posted April 4

The painful sting of words can leave deep emotional scars on your husband and can destroy your relationship in an instant. For a healthy and happy relationship, never say these 10 phrases to the man you love:

1. "I wish you were more like him"

Don’t compare your spouse to anyone — past boyfriends, brothers and friends included. This unfair phrase will only lower his self-esteem and chip away at your relationship.

2. "You always do that"

The biggest problem with this phrase is the word “always" — it's definitive and untrue. This unfair assumption could cause your partner to get defensive, leading to the start of yet another argument.

3. "You don’t understand me"

Maybe he doesn’t understand, but give him a chance to. Your partner can only help if you are willing to be honest and patient with him.

4. "Leave me alone"

You might want a break if tempers are high — that’s not a bad idea — but instead of blurting out “leave me alone,” you could say, “let’s take a 15-minute break and then come back to this issue.” Take a walk, lie down on the bed or sit on the couch and take a deep breath to compose your thoughts. Shouting out “leave me alone” is harsh and might make the problem worse.

5. "Get over it"

Your partner needs you to understand how they’re feeling. Don’t shrug off their emotions with a careless phrase like this. Validate their feelings and ask to know more. Showing an interest will help them feel appreciated and loved.

6. "Maybe we should just get a divorce"

Never threaten your spouse with divorce. Using the D-word during arguments can cause unnecessary stress and anxiety. Whether you meant it or not, your partner might actually consider divorce, according to Dr. Deborah McFadden, marriage counselor. If your relationship is struggling to the point where you feel divorce is necessary, consider seeking a therapist or religious leader for help.

7. "It’s so annoying when you do that"

Your husband is bound to do a few things that annoy you during your many years of marriage. Try to bring up those things in a kind way instead of carelessly calling him out. Your tone is especially important: even kind words can come across as rude if you use a snarky tone.

8. "You never satisfy me"

Trouble in the bedroom is a private and sensitive topic. Never discuss these issues with anyone except your spouse, and in some cases, your marital therapist. Your partner wants to make you happy, and it can make him feel like a failure if he can’t satisfy you physically. Be open and honest with him, but be careful with your tone and word choice. When you address this problem with love and understanding, you can both come to a solution more easily.

9. "I wouldn’t do it that way"

You might not handle the situation that way, but he does. Marriage is a give-and-take relationship. Sincerely listen to your spouse’s ideas, and then you’ll get the opportunity to share your own thoughts.

10. "I don’t know why I ever married you"

This is something you might want to say in the heat of an argument, but avoid hurtful statements like this. You’ll regret it later, and your partner will still have the scars from this stinging comment.

You might not mean to hurt your spouse, but these types of comments can kill your relationship. Remember: once words are said, they can only be forgiven, not forgotten. Address your problems with kind words and love to build up your marriage instead of tearing it down.

Shaelynn Miller is a journalist who has a passion for photography, video production and writing.

Contact her at smiller@deseretdigital.com.

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