10 marriage mistakes newlyweds unknowingly make
Posted April 19
The first couple years of marriage are some of the most important, because they lay a foundation for the rest of your lives together.
As a newlywed, this can seem kind of daunting, especially because most of the time neither one of you have been married before and are flying blind together.
You both have an idea of how you want your marriage to be, but applying it can be more difficult than you both originally thought.
Sometimes newlyweds tend to make mistakes that can be detrimental to the future of their marriage, without even knowing they’re making them.
Here are 10 of those mistakes and ways you and your new hubby can avoid them.
1. Keeping secrets from your spouse
Hopefully by now you and your new husband have opened up to each other about a lot of things and feel comfortable enough to tell each other anything and everything.
This may seem like an easy and obvious thing, but you will find in marriage sometimes unknowingly you can start to keep little secrets from your husband or wife, which in the end can come back to bite you.
Make sure to tell your spouse EVERYTHING, and this includes feelings of hurt or anger. Obviously be as kind and as courteous as you can with your honesty, because they are someone you love. You will find the more communication, the stronger your marriage will be.
2. Having friendships come between you and your husband
Friends are a very important part of life.
You probably have friendships that are older than you and your husband’s relationship, and he probably does too.
However, now that you are married the #1 person in your life should always be your spouse.
Don’t over share with your friends about your marriage, and don’t ever complain about your spouse to them. If there seems to be a friendship that is interfering between you and your spouse in any way, it may be time to take a little break from that particular friend.
3. Not making romantic gestures anymore
Creating romance within your marriage is as important now as it was when you were dating.
Marriage does not signal the end of these types of gestures, in fact it is the beginning of deeper, even more romantic kind.
Show appreciation and love for each other in many ways, and always date/court your spouse to keep the spark alive.
4. Letting people know about your issues
Sometimes the biggest shock for newlyweds is the realization that their spouse in not in fact perfect. They have faults and flaws and good days and bad days just like everyone else.
It is completely normal to fight or have disagreements when you are newly married, but don’t let them scare you. Also make sure to not run to your friends or your mom after every little fight, because that is EXTREMELY harmful to your marriage.
As long as there is no physical or emotional abuse happening, most things can be worked out between you and your spouse, and that is it.
5. Thinking you have certain “roles”
Guess what? We live in the 21st century where men and woman do not have defined roles within marriage.
Maybe you work and he stays home, or vice versa. But it is wrong and potentially harmful to assume that your husband needs to be the sole provider or that you need to stay home and have dinner on the table by 5.
You can both contribute to your life together by dividing up household duties and financial responsibilities. Decide between yourselves how you want this to go and just do what is right for you both.
6. Not speaking up when you have feelings
This can be any type of feeling- hurt feelings, angry feelings, anxious feelings, lonely feelings.
Whatever you are thinking or feeling it is important to share with your spouse. Never assume they actually know how you’re feeling, because chances are they don’t. People aren’t mind readers after all!
You will find by doing this you can avoid or solve many a conflict that might pop up, and set a good precedent for the future of your marriage and anything that should happen.
7. Being neglectful of each other’s needs
You each are separate individuals with separate needs and wants.
Some of those needs and wants may intercede, others are completely different.
Don’t ignore the individual needs of your husband or wife just because they aren’t the same as yours, and be sure to be open and understanding to whatever those needs may be.
Validate each other and be willing to compromise and be open to new ideas and activities.
8. Letting the in-laws take over
You spent many years with your parents, and they always made sure to help you and give you advice when it was needed.
This is not to say that newlyweds won’t need advice from their parents, but that is where it needs to end, at giving the advice.
Don’t let each other’s parents but into your marriage, it will only cause contention and resentment. Be respectful of them and the things they tell you, but kindly let them know when they are crossing the line.
9. Having less intimacy
It is said that you will have more sex in the first year of marriage than the rest of your marriage combined.
Even if that’s not the case for you two, being intimate is an important part of married life.
Make sure it is always present, and make it a priority for you and your husband even when life gets really busy.
10. Never talking about finances
Now all the bills that you have become bills that you and your husband has, and that can be an interesting transition.
Don’t assume that you and your husband spend money the same way, and don’t shy away from sitting down and discussing your plan of attack when it comes to finances.
Marriage means you are a team, and as a team you need to decide what you will both do with the money that you have. Create the opportunity to perfect this discussion early on in marriage, and you will be grateful for the rest of your life that you did.
Tamsyn Valentine is part of the content team at FamilyShare.com. She graduated with a degree in communication with an emphasis in public relations and journalism. Tamsyn has written and edited for Scroll, BYU-Idaho's newspaper.