10 lies you need to stop believing about your marriage
Posted June 15
Marriage can be fragile at times, especially at the beginning stages of your new life together. Learning to navigate through the rough patches can seem like a never-ending maze with too many dead ends.
Life can also seem like this when you’ve been married for a long time — even if it's only been a few years. You start to question whether you married the right person or if your marriage is worth all the hardship.
You start to believe the lies that society tells about marriage and pretty soon you’re ready to sign the divorce papers.
Before you get to this point, it’s important to know what these lies are and how to overcome them. With some hard work, you’ll be on the road to marital bliss once you stop believing these 10 lies about your marriage:
1. Nothing is more important than my happiness
Believing that nothing is more important than your own happiness is a quick way to kill a relationship. Marriage is selfless; you should always take your spouse’s and children’s feelings into account. You definitely need to take care of yourself, but their happiness is just as important as yours.
2. I married the wrong person
Once you start to believe this, the only things you notice about your spouse are the things you’re not compatible with. Don't buy into this lie. You didn’t marry the wrong person: You married an imperfect person with all kinds of flaw (and you have your flaws as well). Learn to love your spouse’s quirks and imperfections and they may end up being your favorite things about your sweetheart.
3. My marriage will always be perfect
Newlyweds tend to have this mindset that marriage is perfect all of the time. Sorry to shatter that dream, but it's not perfect. You’re going to have fights and arguments, so don’t freak out when it happens. It shouldn’t be happening all the time, but a lively discussion is healthy every once in a while.
4. My spouse should know exactly what I need
As much as you would love it, your spouse can’t read your mind. You have to communicate with them for your partner to understand. Otherwise, they’re not going to know why you’re upset and leaving them to guess will cause resentment. Talk through your concerns, emotions and questions through so your needs (and their needs) can be met.
5. The kids always need to come first
It’s awesome that you’re giving so much attention to your kids, but don’t forget to nurture the most important relationship you have in your life — your marriage. If you never put your spouse first, your marriage will undoubtedly suffer the consequences.
6. I’m not in love with my spouse anymore
People tend to get caught up in their day-to-day lives and forget to work on their relationships, leaving a severe lack of romance, friendship and love in your life together. Don’t think you’ve fallen out of love if your relationship is suffering, just take it as an opportunity to work on your relationship and fall in love all over again.
7. Pornography doesn’t hurt my marriage
Stop believing that pornography isn’t doing anything to your marriage. There are countless studies on how it kills relationships and hurts couples.
According to Fight the New Drug, “An increasing number of couples in therapy report that pornography is causing difficulties in their relationship. Research shows that pornography use is linked to less stability in relationships, increased risk of infidelity and greater likelihood of divorce.” Don't leave room for pornography in your marriage.
8. My spouse will change eventually
Although your spouse might change their mind on little things, they probably won’t budge on fundamental issues and the things they’re most passionate about. Embrace your differences and take pride in the fact that you can function as a couple while disagreeing on certain things.
9. My spouse and I have to put in equal work
Chances are, you and your spouse will rarely put in equal effort. When you're counting who is doing what, your relationship becomes competitive and strained. You'll also forget that you’re both supposed to give your all.
Marriage isn’t 50/50. Ideally it’s 100/100. As long as you’re each trying your best, the other will make up the difference.
10. My marriage is past the point of repair
Unless you’re in a physically, mentally or emotionally abusive relationship or you’re in danger, your marriage isn’t past the point of repair. There are ways you and your spouse can rekindle your love and rebuild the relationship you once had.
Once you stop believing these lies about your marriage, it’ll be so much easier to love your spouse, give them your all and build a happy marriage.