'Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out of the Shadows' is hard to watch
Posted June 7, 2016
THE SEWER — The newest Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie hits theaters this week and I must admit, a part of me was actually kind of looking forward to seeing "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out of the Shadows." Granted, I went in with low expectations, but this movie managed to even drop below those low expectations and punch a hole through the basement floor.
Despite what some of my readers may think, I don't like to be harsh on movies just to be harsh, but I really did not like this movie and I'm about to let you know why.
I was born in 1983, which means I grew up during the heart of the TMNT age. I had all kind of toys, coloring books, VHS tapes, Halloween costumes and a myriad of other turtle paraphernalia. I wasn't expecting much from this movie, but with the fond childhood memories of the cartoon, original movies, and arcade game, I was going in with a very open mind. At the very least, I figured I'd be entertained, but that wasn't the case.
The movie is a lot of slow-moving storytelling that has a weak narrative with bursts of action sprinkled in here and there. The pace was so slow that the action sequences seemed out of place, but also too short. It's hard to explain without actually seeing the film, but the added drama didn't land and the action scenes weren't interesting enough to really make an impact.
As my KSL colleague Angie Treasure stated so well, "How can CGI turtles be so boring?" I don't know Angie, but they were.
One of the best parts of the TMNT universe is the jokes. Sure, they're usually pretty bad, but they at least get some chuckles. That's not the case here. They were just bad. Michelangelo is actually pretty fun because he's the only turtle that really reminds me of the good old days. Will Arnett has a moment or two, but that's really it.
I know a lot of the humor is aimed at a younger crowd, but even the kids are going to roll their eyes at a few parts.
Too many eye-rolling moments
This movie is supposed to be silly, fun, and slap-sticky. We're talking about mutant ninja turtles here — I'm not expecting an Oscar-caliber film. I'm not even expecting a well constructed film, but the script was so lazy that I was literally rubbing my temples out of exhaustion. I want to make sure it's understood that I wasn't expecting this to be a great movie, but this is so poorly constructed and haphazardly thrown together that it feels the screenwriters spent a total of 20 minutes to complete a shooting script.
To really understand it, you need to see the film for yourself, but just know that I nearly walked out when Casey Jones strapped some random wheels to his shoes with some duct tape to make on-the-fly Rollerblades. However, that part was still better than the gratuitous and ridiculous play to get Megan Fox in a skimpy school-girl outfit within the first 10 minutes of the film.
I'm honestly shaking my head as I write this.
I know I'm being really hard on this film and that a lot of you will not like that. Just know that I went in fully expecting to be entertained and nothing else, but "TMNT: Out of the Shadows" couldn't even deliver on that.
If you liked the first film, you might enjoy this one, but I can't guarantee that. I'd be willing to say this is one of the worst films I've seen in the theater in quite some time.
"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out of the Shadows" is rated PG-13 for sci-fi action violence.
John has been writing about movies, news, sports and pretty much anything awesome for more than five years. John is the co-host of the Flix Junkies podcast and will always entertain you with his stories.